Alpine.Grove

Shifted!

2007-03-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

http://thealpestre.wordpress.com

2007-03-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

Either the weather is very hot or I've regained my high metabolism rate. After a meal i start sweating like crazy even with the fan blowing directly at me.

watched finish zhong ji yi ban already. i realised taiwan shows have very good plots but lousy endings. anyways compared to singapore shows its much better.

start of all things

2007-03-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

The end of all things is the start of all things.

Common tests are over. I am so certain that I'm going to do worse than ever.

March camp is over too - just only. For the first time in many camps, I actually enjoyed a camp. Kudos to Chengwei. It was really great yet at the same time frustrating. Great because it was relatively slack and we didn't overly tire ourselves and the juniors had fun. Frustrating because throughout the camp I found myself thinking about a lot of things, especially on the first night when I couldn't get to sleep. Thought about Nanyang, about insociability, about council, about the trouble I have gotten into in my studies, about you-know-who and about friendship. I really don't want to be a shadow but courage gets in the way.

I am really scared that the camp although bonded us (seniors and juniors) together, bonding itself is not enough to instill the values that the "hell" camp last year give us. I think although the seniors totally made themselves hate-able, they made us really close within the council and build up a kind of discipline that, although many don't realise, helped build the council up into what it is today. At the end of the camp, they still lack the seriousness and urgency and maybe a certain determination to succeed.

Then again you can't always have the cake.

H3 Geog is showing a potential full-blown significance on my life. I'll probably have to visit libraries tomorrow, get as much information as possible and get my appointments up for interviews. And there are surveys to give out. I haven't even gotten the survey questions confirmed. A lot of things to be done by tonight. *shivers at the imagination of a pile of readings*

Then there is council stuff to do. Igloo anniversary, unfortunately led by an incompetent person. Survey compilations!

and I have to finish my math homework before tuition. All these in 3 days. Goodbye to KO one.

2007-03-04T20:46:00.000-08:00

In a changed opinion today. I started thinking that maybe Irving Kristol is quite right after all. "Democracy cannot ensure an equality in conditons - Democracy can only provide an quality in opportunity." To a certain extent I think this rather applies to life as a whole. We are born into unfair conditions; there will always be people who are wealthier and more intelligent placing them at an advantage. But I still believe that everybody has an equal opportunity at a successful life, ignoring the definition of a successful life since it varies. Those who are facing repetitive unemployment, who are at the bottom end of the meritocratic system are there because they have not given themselves ample opportunity to reach their full potential.

tired.

2007-02-10T03:03:00.000-08:00

have u ever had the feeling of everything weighing down on you and you feel like just crying and letting evrything out. but you just can't do it for some reason? ... maybe it because i hardly cry.

whatever i do, somehow my whole family will know. even the most private conversation with my brother is taken away. i feel like in 1984. watched. scrutinised.

after talking to my uncle yesterday while my council was deciding her school. i feel so... heavy. i'm so so scared that i won't do well and i won't get anywhere and i would waste away my 2 years. i've never felt this way before which is ... frightening ... like i'm in a nightmare and i can't get out of it. its not me to concentrate on my studies... close up even though i would dearly love it.

its depressing to know how helpless i am against societal forces.

after vday i'm going to chuck whatever i'm not supposed to be thinking about behind. yes.

i hate to think i don't have the strenght to fight for what i want.

2007-02-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

刚看完花样少年少女真的很精彩!

因为华语不好! 所以呢... 不方便写太多

只能默默地看着他
希望他对我的感觉不差
只能在他转过去的那刹
偷偷望着背影

我可以写词了哈哈

gosh my pinyin is horrible.

2007-02-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

5 mins to end of GP.

my life is officially in a state of turmoil just that you guys don't see. i'm such a good actor.

i should stop letting people walk over me.

2007-02-04T06:10:00.000-08:00

我快要崩溃了!

i swear i'll do so well that 5 or so years down the road i won't need to live under this roof.

2007-01-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

what's with being unable to face yourself? being physically and conciously...

guilty

2007-01-17T03:48:00.000-08:00

my sis went for band auditions today. apparently the teacher hates her because my sis stupidly told her i'm from nanyang! and the teacher's eccentric. a bit like my piano teacher. so my sis's kind of disheartened. but i think my dad's definetely going to push her into joining band so even though she's trying for dance and drama too she'll be in band. but i feel quite guilty.. because i did well in psle she has a standard to meet whereas my bro did quite badly. and because of me she wanted to go nanyang but didn't make it so TK is like a total disappointment.. now band...

actually my brother's pressure now on me is worse... and i found out that my language is really so bad.. there's nothing i can actually do to improve it before SAT. so i can only rely on maths section which is quite bad too... really afraid that even with all the practices i put in (relatively more than others) i'll just get a 1900 or something. i must get at least a 2200! that's so far away...

SAT!

2007-01-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

Viqourize, Voka! (with terrapong trying to looking disgustingly sexy and my sis still say he looks the cutest of all)

its 10 days to SAT. great! sat in the library for 3+ hours straight to do test #2. so proud of myself. haha. anyways brittney was doing her probability at the back. she's amazing good at preservering. anyways shall start studying after SAT. having headache now.

something that we discussed during GP made me recall this:
during dec hol i was interviewing people for security guards. i was actually quite shocked because i assumed that if you're out of job you will want to take up any job that pays and is relatively stable. but NO. some of the people were so freaking choosy. - can only work 8 hours - want only to guard office buildings - cannot guard residential areas ... my goodness. and the govt keeps saying how there are not enough jobs. people don't want them! or rather they don't know how to help themselves.

disheartened...

2007-01-06T04:45:00.000-08:00

oh my gosh! totally regreted not going home striaght away. Rah! now i totally regret it. and while on the bus i suddenly understood what SY meant. gosh, won't really spend time together after that. unless goes council room every morning or something. day dreaming again. i don't know why i still hold on to that hope even after i know i'm not his kind and i'll probably never...

i've been feeling very terrible after what bird said during yesterday's OG dinner. basically its the truth but when it's actually said, its so disheartening. and everytime i look at him i know that's probably what he thinks too. and that's prob the main reason why we can never be together. can someone tell what exactly is good about me?

Orientation

2007-01-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

i think VJ's orientation is relatively better than other schools. i hardly got to spend time with my group. bugger. had to do the shirts then only reached my group like at 9 something. and then had games.. and i was in charge of a very disgusting game. details too 'horrific'. anyways had council meeting after that and exco meeting. i realised why B is quite a nice bf to you. haha.. quite tired now actually. being ogl is rather exhausting.. don't know if i can last....

Day Zero

2007-01-02T04:51:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i went back to school on a public holiday and the last day of my very precious holiday. had to put up the deco for orientation. orientation 01 is going to rock! anyways, during the first meeting i think cheng wei was going to explode if the guys don't shut up. but his patience and sanity is really commendable. after dismissal the guys went to play soccer while me and sheue ying had to slog.. pasting the trail. what gentlemen! went home immediately after we finished. damn tired! idiots were still playing soccer.

went to bugis yesterday to study with SY. gosh.. i'm still so behind on my homework. kill me... i realise i got SAT 3 weeks later so hmm.. anyways thanks SY for being such a great study partner. we should exchange timetables so we can go library and study! really must study hard after the orientation already. i'll prob not go for the suntec mass dance if there is still one.

should i tied up my hair? please answer. apparently ppl have mixed comments. sam thinks its better than short hair. i think most of my sec 4 class thought so 'coz their first impression is me with short hair. my sister thinks its alright. just a little weird. SY thinks its a total no-no. i think i would like to safe the money. and since i keep so long already i should just tie it up. wonder what he will think. he'll prob say its ugly and break my heart. but i'll just try tml. need a scrunchie first. i look better tying my hair in that.

(argh! i'm still thinking of him!)

shopping! - happy new year!

2006-12-31T06:55:00.000-08:00

went shopping today! bought stationary for me and my sis in popular. the shelves were like almost empty of pens. finally bought a planner just in time for new year. its purple, hope i don't get sick of it. dropped by at kino. supposed to check out any nicer diary but there wasn't only more expensive then suddenly spotted the SAT books! and remembered that i'm sitting for SAT next month! so i decided to buy it, cost a bomb! which reminds me, i need to get the vocab list for SAT.

met my mum and sis at robinsons. i was under the impression that you buy clothes and stuff there. but my mum did her shopping of cosmetics and HEALTH products. amazing.. its becoming a yearly affair already. anyways, robinsons was so freakingly crowded, we decided to go mango. i realised mango clothes are not bad eh.. bought two sleeveless there. so happy, i finally found something to match two skirts. shall wear one set tomorrow although a bit formal. haha. my sis went to children's section and there was this mickey mouse sleeveless that looked really nice. in the end i bought it haha. i'm still slim enough.

and then my crazy cousin suddenly called to say she's at the causeway already and that she decided to come last min. wow. anyways she's going to the countdown. went to jazcucci so relaxing. meeting SY tml to do econs tutorial - the international trade one at kovan.

i can't believe school's going to start and i've to go back to school on the day before school reopens to do up the deco for registration and orientation! argh!

as for new year resolution which i have to submit to my parents before year end in 49 mins for. i need to think. but its no fun announcing. haha

(he's always online...)

SBJC

2006-12-29T04:37:00.000-08:00

hmm.. what could that stand for? something junior college. haha only SY and me knows.

anyways, woke up at 05 30 in order to reach school by seven. gosh, so freaking early and i was re-reading Remember Me again last night so only had 3 hours of sleep. The overall ic was late! Sea Regatta tryouts were fun! mainly because the area i was at was rather clean and there was someone. haha. spent almost 1/2 an hour drifting along the coast while the guys cleaned up the area. the water was so cooling though some areas were warm. SY almost drifted away... luckily she managed to touch the ground again. She's quite scary, must follow her into the water everytime she gets in.. no sense of balance. Chris had to pull us out of the water several times 'coz we couldn't get out. and that idiot 'carried' me singly and tried to dunk me. i don't want to be his height.. so freaking tall and i was like helplessly dangly from his arms.. so unglam.

bathed, had briefing by cw. he had injuries on his thigh so was in quite a bad mood. went to taipan to eat. thank goodness SY and Sam decided we need to budget so we didn't end up paying 7.50 but took separate meals from the rest and only paid 3.60! butter squid rocks. and thanks to the boss who gave us desert on the house although it was quite pathetic.

anyways me and SY were feeling a bit feverish so we went back council room first while the rest went to siglap. knocked off immediately... was so tired and the room was so cold so hugging our jackets made good pillow and blanket. later realised we both had sunburnts. no wonder feverish.

Jo in her TKGS uniform. Blouse looks too big on her but she's so cute compared to me!

Jo in PE uni. looks much too big for her but she looks cute with her hair tied back... something i can never do. :(

(getting to know him better)

A Holiday in School

2006-12-27T06:31:00.000-08:00

Had sea regatta tryouts today. Gosh the beach was so freaking dirty, with all the dead piece of wood and litter probably from the boats. i have a bad feeling about regatta. somehow i feel that there are too many possibilities and a lag in action may just result in another bad name for CT council. anyways, i miraclously 'recovered' from my cold and pending sore throat but to be on the safe side kept out of the water with sheue ying.

after the try outs was the banner painting. Me and SY hardly did the painting as there were too many people. Which is the main problem in banner painting. Something that Samuel refuses to admit. Idiot. Had EXCO-Adhoc meeting at seven and it dragged for like 1 1/2 hours. Seriously, if Nicole was chairing the meeting it would be much better and a better use of time. Why does that idiot like to make life so difficult for everyone! Feel like boxing him. Bish!

Didn't eat dinner as it was way too late. The school was freaking scary especially the concourse - totally dark. I admit i have a fear of darkness. i hardly go downstairs in my own house at night 'coz there's this mirror in the dining room and i can't help but feel that something's going to stare out of it. Thank goodness Chris and Sheueying accompanied me to council room. Stupid cheng wei, suggested something at first, thank god SY 'came to the rescue' i really wouldn't bear the ... (SY, you get what i mean)

MSN not working! My dad thinks its because of the taiwan earthquake. Oh wells, SY & CW you guys just have to settle the council shirt design. i'll give morale support from the phone. haha. don't feel like going for OGL meeting tomorrow... should I?

oh yes! study group! haha me SY CW and chris (if he sees the need to). that makes most of our EXCO. we should study together so that we don't get anymore failures already :)!

(was thinking on the bus. even though our views are somewhat similar, its quite impossible to be together... right?)

succumbed to cold

2006-12-26T05:30:00.000-08:00

Love the weather! Singapore's weather is really bad and unbearable when its hot and humid. especially after the sun comes out after a passing rain.

I watched death note two with my cousins and one of my cousin's boyfriend. Even though i didn't watch the first one i don't think it mattered. The storyline is very well thought out and with no loopholes either. My cousins, who are all geniues since they are all in medicine, were like analysing the movie for any and they couldn't find so... hmm i couldn't be bother to probe in so much.

Caught a cold in the rain today after accompanying my sister to TKGS to buy her stuff. During this period (my sister getting her posting) i realised finally how good Nanyang actually is. To think i never appreciated being there for the past four years. I shall always miss the school, its wonderful campus, the activities that other schools don't get, and the teachers. Actually i'm quite disappointed she didn't get good enough grades for Nanyang.

By the way i realised i'm in deep trouble with my studies. Can someone teach me a way to concentrate and like studying? Maybe someone wouldn't mind being my study partner. And i haven't thought of a thesis for H3 geography. Yes i'm taking H3 Geog, unbelievable. And today i got this Good Progress Award thing. Haha, money again. I don't understand how i got it but i'm not going to complain. Last time i got it i was in primary 2. :)

(Been thinking a lot about someone... wonder if he's feeling the same but probably not)